Just Cry
by la chatte blanche
Summary: post-ANH Luke comforts Leia after she has a horrible nightmare.


Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars. End of story

_Pain. Pain had become her entire world. So much pain. She felt she would die any minute. 'But I will never betray the Rebellion. Never. If I must die to keep the base a secret, so be it. I'm not afraid to die.' _

'You_ may not fear death, Princess,' that all-too-familiar voice intoned, 'But there are countless others who do. Will you let them die for the sake of your little Rebellion which will be discovered and destroyed in a matter of time anyway? Is your own pride worth more than their lives?'_

'_Stop trying to scare me Vader! I know you! You'll destroy them and me whether I tell you or not. It's all _your_ fault, _your_ doing!'_

'_But you couldn't stop us, could you? You couldn't save them. You can't save anyone. Everyone dear to you will die, because you couldn't save them.'_

'_NO! Stop twisting my mind! Get away from me! Leave me alone!'_

'_Look Princess! Hear them! Hear their screams, their pain, all because you didn't save them.'_

_The terrifying visage of Vader came into view, became her whole vision. She closed her eyes, but he was still there, as was the pain, just as strong and horrible as ever. She felt herself being turned around. There was Alderaan, as beautiful, as alive as ever. For one eternal moment, she felt an indescribable joy that managed to cut through her agony, to give her peace. But it did not last. The sickening green laser shot through to her home planet and--_

_Alderaan was gone. The lush, vibrant paradise was now an ugly cloud of space dust. Now she heard the screams. Millions of terrified screams, so many of them, they were so loud, so loud. She tried to cover her ears against them but to no avail. They kept screaming. Now two of those voices sounded familiar. She forced her eyes open and saw the faces of her mother and father, their faces full of grief. _

'_Why Leia?' Her father inquired somberly, 'Why couldn't you save us?'_

'_Father, please forgive me! I love you! I love you and Mother! I miss you both so much! Please don't leave me! Father! Mother! Come back! Please don't leave me! Come back!'_

_Her parents' faces were already gone. But the millions of voices were still screaming. A new voice had joined them._

"Leia?"

_With a surge of horror, she realized it was herself who was now screaming along with them. She brought her hands to her face in despair but quickly drew them back when she felt something hot and sticky on them. Her hands were covered in blood… _

"Leia? Leia!"

_She kept screaming. She didn't care anymore who heard, what anyone did to her… she had to keep screaming and screaming and screaming….._

"Leia wake up! Wake up, Leia! Leia!"

For a split second there was nothing but a blinding white light. Then she felt a pair of hands on her shoulders, which had been shaking them. Then a pair of eyes came into focus. They were a bright ice blue, and full of concern and fear. Now the person's full face came into view. It was--

"Luke! It's gone! They're all dead! There was so much screaming and blood on my hands! Vader--"

"It's okay, it's okay Leia. It's all right, it was a dream. You're safe, you're fine now. It's over."

Luke's face was both worried and relieved as he watched Leia stare at him, still slightly disoriented. Leia looked around and saw she was lying in her bed in her room in the base's living quarters. She was breathing hard, soaked in sweat and her throat felt a bit sore. She slowly sat up, breathing deeply, trying to calm herself. She tried to shake off the horrifying images of the dream, but they were still there, as vivid as ever.

"What is it Leia?" Luke's voice snapped her out of her trance. She glanced over at him, looking at her, concerned and expectant. She was grateful he had woken her up when he did, not wanting to imagine the gruesome path the dream would have taken if he had not. Did she want to tell him about the dream? She wanted to get it all off her chest, but she also didn't want Luke to share in her horror and sorrow.

"Whatever it was Leia, don't pretend it was nothing," Luke's voice cut in, as if he could read her mind. "When I came in, you were thrashing on the bed and screaming in your sleep."

Leia stared at him. "How did you know? Your room's two hallways down, how could you have heard me?"

"I just woke up for no reason and something was telling me to come to you, that something was wrong. And it was right. I guess it was the Force telling me about you."

Leia remembered what Luke had told her about the mysterious powers of the mystical energy field. Old Ben Kenobi had been a Jedi and had been able to manipulate it, and was teaching Luke how to do so before he died. Leia had seen Luke practicing with that laser sword of his, which he called a lightsaber, and had been amazed at his skill wielding it with almost no effort. Unlike most of the others who had dismissed the Jedi and the Force as mere fairy tales, Leia had been entranced by them and was even almost envious of Luke's unusual abilities, knowing in her wildest dreams she could never do such things.

Luke got up and walked into the fresher. In a moment he returned with a glass of water, which he handed to Leia, then sat back down on the bed. Leia looked at the water for a moment then drank it down gratefully.

"Thanks," she said, giving Luke a small smile. Luke smiled back, then his expression grew a bit more serious.

"Do you want to talk about it Leia? You know you can always tell me anything."

Leia looked at Luke a long while. He was right, she could tell him anything. Ever since they had first met, they had become very close, forming an indescribable bond. Sometimes they would just sit and talk for hours on end, about their childhoods, their homes and families, their thoughts, opinions, about everything. He was such a good listener, always so sweet, sincere and earnest. Leia had never met anyone quite like Luke before and she was grateful beyond measure to have him in her life. She considered him one of her best friends and knew she could trust him with her life. She cared about him deeply and she knew he felt the same way about her. Taking a deep breath, she decided to confide in him what she would not have disclosed to anyone else.

"I dreamed I was back on the Death Star. Vader was torturing me again and forced me to watch Alderaan be destroyed again. There was so much screaming, it was so loud, there was so much blood… I saw my parents. They said I couldn't save them, so did Vader…they were so near, I could hear their voices again…. But they were so disappointed… I let them down, and now they're dead, they're still dead…" Leia broke off as her voice began to falter.

Luke placed his hand on Leia's shoulder as he took in her sobering report. He always sensed that deep down, Leia was still harboring tremendous grief and sorrow. But she never let it get her down, she always managed to get through the day with strength and conviction, and Luke admired her for that. Luke realized that in all their talks, Leia had never mentioned her interrogation or the destruction of Alderaan, not once, and he had never considered bringing up either subject, knowing what pain it would cause her. Leia was the strongest person Luke had ever met, but her sadness was starting to weigh her down and would soon consume her unless she found someway to release it. He thought for a moment for a way to bring up what he suspected as gently as he could.

"This isn't the first time, is it?" he inquired softly. Seeing Leia's questioning gaze, he went on, "The first time you've had a dream like this." It wasn't even a question now. He had always been able to sense what she was feeling, this time was no exception. She decided that denying it to him was pointless.

"No, it wasn't," she admitted, "There were others before, though not nearly as bad. I thought I could handle them, that they would pass in time. It's been over eight months. I thought I would have put it behind me by now. I keep telling myself that it's all in the past, that there's nothing I can do to change it, nothing I can do to bring them back. But sometimes I think that if I had said or done something sooner or more differently, it would have been different, if I had just…" Leia stopped herself there. She knew if she continued she would start crying. She hated to cry, even if she was alone, seeing it as a sign of weakness and lack of control. And she was an important leader of the Alliance. She couldn't afford to be weak when so many others were depending on her.

Luke listened to her, taking in her conflicting emotions. He knew there was one thing she needed to do if she was ever to truly heal. He put his hand on her cheek, turning her head so they were looking directly into each other's eyes. "To feel sorrow is to be human, Leia. It's not a sign of weakness."

Deep down, Leia knew he was right. But she wanted to deny it, more to herself than to him. "I'm a princess, a senator," she protested, hating her cracking voice, the burning sensation rising in her chest and throat, the prickling feeling nagging at the corners of her eyes. "I know I'm better than this."

"No," said Luke, "You're human, just like anyone else." Then he put his arms around her and held her close against him.

Leia felt her emotional barriers shaking. She wanted so much to resist, but there was so much pushing against them, she knew she was fighting a losing battle. Especially now, with the strong yet gentle feel of Luke's arms around her, the comforting warmth of his body and his voice, so soothing and full of understanding. Leia felt her shoulders shaking and she began to sob.

"It's all right," Luke whispered, "Just cry, Leia. I'm right here, it's just me, it's just us. Let it all out. Cry Leia. Just cry."

And she did. Something in Luke's voice made her realize being strong didn't matter right now. She threw her arms around him just as tightly, burying her face in his shoulder. "I miss them so much Luke…" she choked out, "So much…"

"Sssshhh," he soothed, "I know…I know…"

Leia's sobbing grew louder now, and she did nothing to fight the tears pouring out of her eyes in torrents. She had no memory of ever letting go like this, even when she was a small child. She wept freely, grieving for her lost home, for her beloved parents, who had been so tender, caring and supportive. They loved her as if she was their own flesh and blood, despite her being adopted, and she loved them just as much. The millions of innocent people on Alderaan as well as the other Alderaanians who now didn't have a home to return to also tore at her heart, causing a fresh onslaught of tears. Leia cried about having to deal with the constant stress and pressure of being a leader, that the Empire even existed, causing the need for rebellion, that she had never known true peace in her life.

As Leia cried, Luke simply sat and held her tightly, stroking her hair, rubbing her back and shoulders, rocking her gently back and forth. Leia never wanted to leave the safety of his arms. There was no place she would rather be, nothing she would rather do than cry, and have Luke tell her it was okay.

They sat like that for what seemed like hours and hours to both of them. Finally, Leia tired herself out, having spent her energy, having run out of tears. She slowly pulled away from Luke and he released her allowing them to look at each other. Luke took in Leia's face. Despite her red-rimmed eyes and flushed, tearstained cheeks there was a lightness in her eyes that had not been there before, a hope for the future despite the pain of the past. He knew that her emotional catharsis was a big step on the road to healing. They would help each other heal, since he too harbored much grief. After all, he had been an orphan all his life, had seen the dead bodies of his guardians and had seen his mentor and best childhood friend be struck down by Vader.

Thinking of them nearly brought tears to Luke's eyes. To avoid this, he got up and reentered the fresher. This time he came back with a wad of tissue and a damp cloth, handing them to Leia. She blew her nose with the tissue, then wiped her face with the cloth. The cool cloth felt so good against her burning face. "Thanks Luke," she said, smiling widely at him, "Thanks so much for everything. I don't know what I'd do without you."

Luke smiled shyly. "Hey, what are friends for?" he said, then he thought, _Clichéd, but effective_ and smiled wider at that. "Do you feel better?" he asked Leia, not knowing what else to ask.

Leia nodded. To her great surprise, she actually did feel much better, like so much weight had been taken off her shoulders, making her burdens a bit easier to bear. She suddenly felt exhausted and lay back in bed.

"You think you can sleep now?" asked Luke. Leia nodded again. "Well then, good night Leia." He smiled at her, gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze, then got up and headed towards the door.

Leia watched Luke's retreating form, then realized she needed more than that to help her sleep tonight. "Uh, L-Luke?" she called. He stopped at the door, turned around and said, "Yeah?"

"Um…actually…could you…this may sound childish but could you please… just…?"

Leia was a bit embarrassed asking this, but she needed someone with her tonight, and she wanted him to be that someone. Still she had trouble getting out the word "stay." To her surprise and relief he smiled, as if he could read her mind and knew exactly what she wanted to ask. He walked back over to her bed, sat down next to her and took her hand.

"Don't worry, Leia" he reassured her, "I'll stay as long as you want me to. And don't worry," he leaned down and whispered in her ear, "I won't tell anyone about any of this."

Leia couldn't help but laugh at this, with both mirth and gratitude. She felt her drowsiness kicking in and gladly submitted to it. She drifted off to sleep, feeling for the first time in a long time, completely safe.

* * *

Leia awoke from the best sleep she'd had in weeks. She felt strangely filled with new energy, with a new life. She felt she could take on the whole Empire herself. Then she felt something was wrong: where was Luke? He had said he would stay with her. Did he leave after she had fallen asleep? Her fears were dissolved a second later when she turned her head and saw Luke, sitting sprawled in a chair beside her bed, sound asleep. Leia couldn't help but grin. _Just like Luke, _she thought,_ so chivalrous, so innocent…unlike another certain person I can name._ At this the grin melted from her face. She couldn't even remember now what she and Han had been arguing about a few days ago, but it had made her so mad she had refused to even look at him ever since.

But her newfound conviction made her think what otherwise would have been impossible: _Maybe I'll give him the privilege of a glance today, just to see if he'll apologize. After all, I'm sure he started it. He always does. Besides, I miss talking to him. Did I just think that?!_

A deep sigh pulled Leia from her musings. Luke was waking up. He glanced around the room, then winced at the obvious crick in his neck, lifting his hand up to rub the sore spot. After blinking a few times, his eyes widened and he saw Leia was awake.

"Good morning!" Leia said cheerfully.

"'Morning," Luke returned, smiling despite his soreness. "How'd you sleep?"

"Great, actually. You?"

"Just fine," Luke said, lying through his teeth. He stood up and stretched his stiff joints.

"Luke?" He turned towards her, then sat down next to her, waiting for her to continue. "Again, thank you for everything you did, for being here when I needed someone."

"I'll always be here when you need me Leia. I promise you that." He placed his hand on her shoulder and Leia did the same. Then, at the exact same time, they pulled each other into a warm embrace, silently communicating their friendship, telling each other that the journey ahead would be long and hard, but they could make it through anything as long as they had each other.

As they pulled away at last, Luke broke the silence by saying, "I guess I'll let you get dressed now. See you in the mess hall for breakfast?"

"I'll be there," Leia agreed eagerly, "See you in a bit?"

"Can't wait," said Luke. He got up and went to the door smiling back at her once more before heading down the hall to his own room.

Leia got out of bed, stretched and walked around her room with a spring in her step. Then she headed into the fresher to get dressed and to plan out all possible comebacks should she encounter Han Solo today.

The End

* * *

Wow. This was my very first story ever, so please be nice. And thanks so much for reading!


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